Kids

Connection, Connection, Connection! What is it? We can connect puzzles, thoughts, and even games; but, can we connect people? Of course! 

In fact, the connection between two humans is simply a large part of the human experience. Without human connection, our brain greatly suffers! Connecting with other humans is vital for our survival. However, the connection young children have with their primary caretakers contributes strongly to their brain growth and behavior. 

Without a positive connection with parents, children suffer, which leads to misbehavior. With no connection, trust is limited, and the desire to please a parent and follow the parent’s lead vanishes.

Connecting with our children looks different depending on their age.  Younger children crave our playfulness and want us to join in their world through giggling, roughhousing, and simply following their lead. While older children crave our attention and connection in ways such as sharing favorite recipes, movies, games, bike rides, or car journeys, to name a few.

Connecting is not always easy for parents, especially when we are tired and stressed. I can go many days helping and nurturing my children without actually joining in their play and finding ways to deeply connect. When this occurs, their behavior deteriorates quickly. If I am not careful, we can enter a severe negative feedback loop of not enjoying each other’s company. 

However, connecting is crucial because it allows the adults an open window into the child’s way of thinking and fosters better cooperation. 

For example, when my child gets home from school, I expect her to finish her homework before dinner. She has about two hours to complete this task.

I have 2 options:

Option 1: I can immediately direct her to begin her homework. Tension is likely to ensue. Yelling will surely follow, doors will be slammed, and minds will be lost. We will likely enter a negative feedback loop for the rest of the evening, and everyone suffers.

Option 2: I can connect with my daughter FIRST by doing 10-minute crafts, listening to her favorite song, or going for a short bike ride. THEN I can direct her to do her homework. Compliance is more likely because she feels connected to me and has a desire to please. Both of our spirits are lifted, and the evening is pleasant.

“The more a parent joins in a child’s world, the more cooperative they’ll be when we drag them along into ours.” ~ Dr. Cohen

There are many avenues and barriers when connecting with our children. We will explore various ideas and offer help, so stay tuned! And remember: Connect, THEN Direct!